The Brain to Body Connection - A Ramble about Sports

I was an awkward kid, clumsy. The latter, I still am somewhat. I frequently spot bruises because I keep walking into furniture or doorframes.

I hated sports class. They expected you to do the thing, but my body felt weird, foreign. I didn't know how to move it, and I just wanted to retreat into my brain, go back to the thinking tasks I'm so good at. 

As a kid, I went swimming, because my mom insisted that being able to swim is important. I went, I did it, I didn’t care about it. It was just like something I had to do, like homework. All sports felt like that. When puberty started, I stopped going, because I felt awkward and awful in my changing body.

The first salvation came through martial arts. I started at 14 because my parents said I should do something, and I went together with my dad. We wielded wooden sticks, and at first they were heavy, awkward. But I'd been a good kid and did what I was supposed to do, and as I got used to the movements, I was amazed at the things I could do with my body and the sticks. We were drilled in the dojo, we had etiquette and order, which was useful for little autistic me because I knew exactly how to act, and that felt safe. 
Martial arts made me strong, and I liked feeling strong.

I'll never forget the day in sports class when we were graded on push-ups. We never practiced them in school, and I still don't know how they just expected us to be able to do them. But thanks to my martial arts hobby, I did the full set no problem and even some more. My teacher was very surprised, and I think everyone else was too. I was still shit at running or handling a ball, but I didn't feel totally useless anymore.

As a teenager, I also watched runway shows, because I love fashion, and I was interested in modeling, the art of moving and posing your body. I tried to imitate it, but it felt awkward. I never got why it felt so awkward, but I persisted, because art.

I eventually had to stop martial arts because school got too intense. I got back to not feeling that my body was truly mine, maybe I never truly lost that feeling. But being an adult, it felt like there were new expectations. 

I love music, for many years I had a hyperfixation on Lady Gaga, and was always amazed at the art of her dance videos. Dance is an art that I appreciate visually so much, and it felt like it could be an art I could learn, given that I was shit at drawing and wasn't as invested in beautiful drawings. It's always been fashion for me, and fashion is on bodies. 
Sometimes I just moved along to the music I liked. At first it felt so so awkward, since the movements were new to me. It got a bit better.

My life changed when I started doing zumba. The first 4 weeks I was so overwhelmed, felt like I had too many limbs, felt like I tried to move a mech suit that wasn't truly me. But the music, atmosphere and my beautiful instructor captivated me, and I kept going. The hip rolls started to sink into my muscles, to feel natural. I started to notice where my arms were and how I moved them. I started to notice how my calves flexed when jumping. And I felt like my body was truly me, not just a mech suit I had to steer around. With the moves becoming natural and me still being into music, I could start to be creative, make my own art through choreography. I knew how to move my body in new and interesting ways, and when I dance, I feel the most alive, the most connected. 

Noticing my body doesn't feel bad or uncomfortable anymore (for the most part, I still deal with dysphoria sometimes) like it did before. Feeling bad before was an overall thing, because I didn't have the awareness of my physical self, and couldn't pinpoint if something specific feels bad. Now, if I wake up with a headache, I will turn my awareness to my neck and feel if my muscles have knots, and counter it with yoga and stretching.

Do I love yoga? No. Would I do yoga almost every day if my mat wasn't rolled out constantly in a spot I have to walk over when getting up? Also no. 
Did I like yoga at first? Definitely not. I felt inflexible, felt like the moves were weird, even though at that point I'd already been dancing for 2 years. But I kept going, 10 minutes every morning. One video I'd converted to audio on my phone so I didn't have to look anything up and end in decision paralysis. It got better, and I noticed how my flexibility increased, how computer work all day long didn't feel as terrible on my back anymore. 
Would my yoga habit have stuck hadn't I been dancing before starting? I can't know for sure, but I doubt it. And I've been lying, the habit hasn't stuck. There have been phases when I didn't do it for months. Last week, I skipped two days because I didn't feel up to it. But doing it sometimes is still making my body feel better overall. And I notice how my body feels at all, because I started dancing. Before, I'd been wanting to deal with the body as little as possible and retreat back into my mind.

As an adult, I also went swimming again for a few years. I liked how I had instructions for what I was supposed to do, I liked the calmness in my brain while I was in the water. I didn’t like the smalltalk at the edge of the pool in between sets. I didn’t like some of the sets, but I was instructed to do them, so I did them anyway. When I started swimming again, I had the worst sore muscles I’d ever had. I pushed through it, and it got better, because my muscles got used to it and grew to the movements. After some years, I stopped swimming because the instructor changed and we spent too much time at the edge of the pool, having to do smalltalk and muscles getting cold again. Plus, the sets she made us do were too short. Nowadays, I don’t go because of gender stuff.

I also cycle to work, uni, everywhere. Do I like cycling? No. Cycling was something I hated as a kid and teenager, slightly disliked when I had to start doing it as an adult because of where I lived and the public transport being awkward. I disliked it because I started sweating so quickly, was out of breath so easily, and the movement felt awkward in my muscles. The slight dislike has turned into me finding cycling neutral. It is very useful for me, and I don't mind doing it anymore. Do I ever cycle for fun? No. It is simply a way for me to get around. Sometimes I like how the wind feels nice, sometimes I enjoy the way my legs look because of the cycling, sometimes I wish I could just teleport because I have a bad day, it's too cold or the pollen are fucking me up, but I still cycle.

Fun fact, I generally feel the hottest while dancing (and yes that is out of the set of activities that include sexual activities). Because I'm in my body, I feel in control, I am amazed at what my body can do, and it feels comfortable, confident. 
It also feels like my fashion has gotten better. Of course, it changed with experience and gender changes, but with how confident dancing has made me feel, it feels like I'm in control of my body and moving in it, instead of draping clothes on the meat suit that I think look good but feel kind of awkward because the basis (i.e. the body) felt awkward. 

I think the point I want to make is that I used to push my body away from me, focusing on my brain. Awareness for the body felt awkward, bad, uncomfortable, because I didn't know how to move and use it and the ways I was to move it held no or little joy. Finding something that held joy that overshadowed the awkwardness until I got used to the movements and they’d started to feel natural helped me get to know my body better, to start to make it truly a part of me, by choice, instead of the brain being connected to it because that's how humans are built.

My Last Meal

So I've started watching Last Meals a while ago. The show's slogan is "We all gotta eat and we're all gonna die". With every new episode I watch, I started wondering about what my last meal would be, if I were to choose.

• patat speciaal: Dutch-style fries with curry ketchup, mayonnaise and chopped raw onion. The best one I ever had was at a small bistro in Muiden, the Netherlands. 
• unagi nigiri: hands-down my favorite sushi
• the tuna burger from Shiso restaurant, it's Asian fusion cuisine and that burger is the best
• Lyonerpfanne: (veggie) bologna sausage stir-fry. It's a regional dish from Saarland region in Germany and it's just such a comfort dish to me. It's usually made with meat and dairy but I adapted it to be able to still enjoy it.
• Steckrübeneintopf: turnip stew. It's a North German dish that I always had at my grandparents'. Whenever I visit that grandpa now and the season is appropriate, we make it.
• (vegan) pumpkin spice latte: I am basic, but fuck this is great. I love love love coffee and this one is just the best non-simple way.
• bibimbap with salmon: I just loooooove this Korean dish. Perfectly spicy, I love all the veggies, the kimchi, I especially love the gochujang sauce.
• (vegan) blueberry cheesecake: I had that once at Ikea and I've been missing it ever since
• chanh da: my favorite lemonade that I get whenever I eat at an Asian restaurant
• (vegan) chocomel: best fucking chocolate milk of all time. Sadly the vegan version is only available in the Netherlands
• blueberries: I become insane when I eat blueberries. They are so delicious
• lemon sorbet: my favorite kind of ice cream. I'm so glad it's naturally vegan so I didn't have to stop eating it when I got my dairy allergy. There is one ice cream place near my grandpa's house that makes it the absolute best. 

Take the Unknown Road, Or, Impressions from My Walk

The sun is shining, the pollen is starting to get to me, but I went.

Instead of taking my usual route, I chose the road less traveled, deliberately exploring the little roads I'd never walked, opening my senses to what I would find. Still, I had my sunglasses and noise-cancelling headphones, but without music this time. Sensory accomodations that I need.

I saw:

• people on their balcony, enjoying the Sunday sun
• a white blouse on a hanger, swining in the light breeze, below it pink flowers
• the pink-purple buds of a tree
• a turqoise metallic car
• so many houses with barn-style roofs
• pieces of litter that make me contemplate taking gloves and a trash bag next time
• one yellow house, and one salmon colored house. all other houses were shades of cream and beige, with various pale pastels mixed in
• a little purple wildflower bursting through a crack in the concrete
• one timber-framed house
• chickens behind a fence, making chicken noises
• people actually having little gardens and outdoor spaces. out of my window it's block city
• a shiny stone in the gravel on a construction site
• the tiniest most adorable row house
• fancy in-ground bike stands on one property. that struck me as very unusual 
• a house with an arched panoramic window and the way the roof tiles were curving on top of it 
• my favorite car in the neighborhood parking in its spot, and another one i really liked beside it
• some bulk trash sitting on the side of the road. i contemplated taking one of the planter pots but ultimately decided against it. there were some extremely 80s nightstands 
• fancy garden decorations that seemed like fairytale children's heads, but instead of a body there was just a stick. disturbing 
• a very old couple on a walk, and a young couple on a walk
• two women fixing something on a car
• some cobblestone streets. and some very broken concrete 
• so many broom bushes in the neighborhood. i really like the yellow flowers

4 New Things I Got At The Grocery Store Today

After going to the doctor this morning, I went to the big grocery store (masked, of course). While there were things I get whenever I'm there, I also got 4 things I never got before. 

 

I've been meaning to get gochujang paste forever. It's a key ingredient to one of my all-time favorite dishes, bibimbap. The store had it, I finally got it. I can't wait to make my meals so deliciously spicy.

 

I picked these up on a whim. My friend who is really into cooking buys soy strips in bulk, and the uni cantine also sometimes cooks with them. I want to try these for myself, to have another non-vegetable alternative to tofu and ready-made fake meat.

 

I had some pak choi when I had pho in Vienna, and I thought I might make a soup and throw them in. Looking at my recipes that I've saved, I might also marinate them and put them in the oven. I don't know yet. 

 

Last but not least, some mung bean sprouts. A similar story to the pak choi, I thought I might throw them into a soup, or maybe just throw them on top of rice. Who knows, not me. 

Mending What's Broken + A Queer Reflection

So I fell off-track. A monthly occurrence, to me. After the period pain has subsided, I have to spend all my energy picking up on what got left behind when the pain was the master of my being. Work comes first. Then, the home. When I'm back on track with the mind, a week has passed. 

Only now, I'm sick. Tonsilitis probably, I'll have to visit the doctor on Monday. I spent yesterday after work mending. Mending a jacket for my brother, mending a flannel I got from my late grandpa, mending my sleep shirt that had a hole in the armpit. It feels pretty meditative to do hand-sewing.

Now I'm trying to mend my mind, while also trying to mend my throat by drinking copious amounts of tea and wearing my scarf. 

Last night I watched this video essay about But I'm A Cheerleader because I love this movie so much and sometimes the YouTube algorithm is actually useful. As usual, I was lamenting about not having seen it when I was a teenager, in fact, I first saw it less than a year ago, being 27. 

It got me thinking if I really ever saw queer (and especially sapphic) representation in the media I consumed or was aware of growing up. Mind you, I know some queer and queercoded media existed back then (I mean the very movie I talked about did exist). But I wasn't really allowed to watch TV, nevertheless in the evening when movies aired. I also didn't really seek out the TV in secret, except to watch iCarly sometimes. 

When I started actively watching movies around age 14, it was mostly the things my dad liked. And yeah, I love Star Wars and action and martial arts movies can be so fun! I just never saw any rom-coms, teen movies and the like. The only rom-com I remember watching was Friends With Benefits (2011) that I watched with the guy who would turn into my friend with benefits and later on into my third and last boyfriend, 5 years ago. 

Books were a different but not better affair. I've been a reader ever since I could read, and I read the magic treehouse series, then TKKG (German series about a group of teenage detectives), got obsessed with Harry Potter (fuck JKR), then as a teenager, I was mostly into YA thrillers and the occasional fantasy, basically whatever my library had that sort of fit those. They did not have anything queer with that, at least nothing that I remember, and I'm pretty sure I would remember that. In fanfiction, I started reading straight pairings (at 14 years old), accidentally read a fic that only started straight, and from then on, it was yaoi for me. 

The real life was fully straight and cis. I didn't know queer people until some of my friends came out to me or I to them as bisexual after I realized at 17 (which I don't use anymore). We were never taught about queer relationships, and "schwul" (gay in German) was only ever used as a slur (when I was 10-12-ish). After that, it wasn't really talked about at all. The online spaces I frequented from 14 onwards were better, but since it was online, the other people's lives didn't feel like something I could do, myself. I'm not sure why there was this disconnect, but maybe because I never actually saw it, just read little posts and snippets. 

I guess this all is to say that the comp het was all around me and that I'm sad it was that way. At the same time I'm glad that queer representation is much more prevalent in media nowadays and that queer kids are able to just come across it. 

Going back to But I'm A Cheerleader, that movie touched me deeply, and I don't think I've gone more than a couple days without thinking about it, ever since I first watched it. This fundamental truth of it being okay to be queer, that it's possible to have a happy ending, even if the world around you doesn't seem like it would be possible. That. 

(Slight spoilers ahead for this paragraph) Seeing Megan and Graham going from not really liking each other to developing this intimate relationship under those awful circumstances. That scene in the gay club, where they see other queer people being happily themselves. Seeing that they're desirable. And for me specifically, Graham's vibes feel similar to my own, and seeing her with Megan made me understand that I like the more feminine girls, and that more masculine girls/people are desired, because I never understood the appeal personally. 

All of those are reasons why I wish I had seen this movie as a teenager already. I might have realized some things earlier. But one can't change the past, one can only change the present and future, and in overall lifespan, I'm still quite young. 

At It Again: Fruits Magazine 02

I like fashion and I especially like old alt fashion. A couple days I talked about the first Fruits magazine, now it's time for the second edition. All images are courtesy of the Internet Archive.

I like how simplistic both of their outfits are. Black boots, blue pants, white shirt with a print, I especially like the one on the left. Then some simple jewelry to finish it off.

 I like the sculpturality of the left look, and how unusual shapes and volume are created. The asymmetric shirt, presumably asymmetric buttoned vest, plus the wide skirt. Very cool.

Left: Having the print and focus of the look on what looks to be some sort of apron or blanket is so unusual. Also the white print on the blue in combination with the black is such a great color combo. I also find it cool how the colors of the apron are echoed in the very unusual bag. 
Right: I like how this look is comprised of such simple elements, but the textures make it interesting and looking elevated. I especially how the knitted sweater contrast with the pants that don't quite look like denim. 

Left: On the left person, I like how the person works with the tie, using it more as a bowtie. The details on the shirt feel so interesting in combination with it. I'm not sure about the details on the pants, but it feels interesting to echo the shirt details there. The shoes that seem to combine a red-ish brown with black are so cool. 
I like what the person on the right has done with the pants, putting sort of straps on it. The shirt also looks very diy-ed, having the presumable bag worn in a way that looks quite a lot like a sash (but very punk due to the plaid) feels quite unusual. 
Right: I like how simple yet interesting this look is. The main interest comes from the person's hair being in those two tiny braids that feel very similar to the hat straps from a person from the first issue. The second point of interest are the diy'ed pants with this plaid insert at the shins, which feels very unusual. I like how a very simple button-down was paired with these two interesting points. 

I love this classic punk look. The asymmetric shirt is such a fun unexpected way to do it, and I really like how it's subtly mixing patterns. I also like how the belt is just peeking out. The shiny loafers are just a perfect finish here.

Knit pants with knot details and a bomber jacket? That is so fun and iconic. I don't like the feather collar because I feel uncomfortable even just looking at feathers, but if it were fake fur or something, this would be amazing. The way the white shoes being a pop of brightness in contrast to all the darkness feels very fresh.

She just looks great, ok? I like how she edged up the modern Qipao dress with the fishnets and presumably platform boots. 

Happy Birthday Wikipedia!!

I'm still in terrible period pain (which is why I didn't post yesterday).

But today as I was looking up stuff on one of my favorite websites, I noticed that as of today, it's 25 years old 🥳

Go look at the birthday page, learn about its history and do the fun little quiz!

https://wikipedia25.org/en/

 

Crumbs Of Last Saturday: The Fool

It's Tuesday now but my thoughts go back to Saturday.

Before the memory grows hazy, I'll paint a picture of fragments. 

She was coming over and for once in this sad gray January, the big lemon in the sky decided to come out as well.

She'd never been over, but it didn't feel weird like it felt with most other people at first. Win, I guess, before she leaves.

I even bought fucking flowers for my table. 

She did compliment my apartment a lot. Trinket tour anyone?

The reason was lunch, she's too busy to feed herself well, and me, wanting to be a friend while desperately trying to share at least small slices of her time before there will be 7 hours between her and me, I cooked. 

I wanted to make my favorite unknown dish, didn't find the ingredients and panicked, ended up making one of my staples which she really enjoyed. 

We had coffee, she said my hand-pouring was inefficient, I said I liked it this slow. 

The balcony was freezing but what are you gonna do when sharing a thing, huh. Biggest giggles I've ever had.

She was positively bewildered at there being people who are just there, where she doesn't have to ask for help. I share the sentiment, but being there for her is the easiest thing in the world. 

I sort of turned her life upside down by helping her realize that she does have ADHD. That she's not broken.

She says she never wants to be in a relationship again, and that she is done with men.

I was the one who put that idea of forever singledom into her head, weeks before I looked into the mirror and saw the fool.

At least I found the missing ingredients for my favorite dish yesterday, so maybe next weekend I can play the fool again.

This One Rewired My Brain Chemistry: On Phone Addiction + A Thing I Crocheted

I was recommended this video a couple days ago (incidentally, while doomscrolling the YouTube homepage). Since watching it I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

Thinking about it, it's quite obvious, isn't it? When you need something to do with your hands and for many, there aren't other things around, plus when the phone has become a body part, that you reach for it?

She has recommended other things to do instead of phone usage. I especially like her crochet suggestion and actually crocheted a scarf over the holidays. However, what to crochet next? I don't really know how to look for patterns and my efforts in trying to do so basically only wielded feminine clothing items that I don't like (partially for gender reasons), items I won't have any use for or that clash with my aesthetic sensibilities, and the aforementioned scarf has been the exception. If you have any suggestions or tips, please do tell!

On second thought, blogging is also an anti-phone activity, and so far, I'm enjoying it! 

The scarf, I followed a pattern by devout hand.

 

Old Fashion > New Fashion: Fruits Magazine 01

I love fashion. I love finding fashion inspiration. Especially lately I find photos from before the Instagram era just so much more interesting. Since people were not constantly bombarded with the top trends, didn't have to measure themselves against them, I feel like some people made more individualistic and creative choices. Also, I'm a slut for vintage clothes.

A go-to resource for me currently is the famous Japanese street fashion magazine Fruits that was published from 1997 to 2017. I'm looking at the issues one by one (thank you Internet Archive <3), taking notes on the outfits that speak to me. And I thought: Well why not post it? So there will be more posts like this.

Today, we talk about Issue 01, you can find it here. 

 

I like how aside from the sailor shirt, this looks like a pretty standard business fit (with a little avant-garde from the shorts, boots and socks). The sailor shirt feels just so unexpected, but it's a great idea with a suit. I also find it really cool how it's all black aside from the sailor shirt, and the sailor shirt is just peeking out with a pop of color at the collar and wrists.

 

Left: The white shirt with the red slashing detail reminds me of a photo of a punk band that I might mention another time. The necklace under the collar is such a sleek way to add some edge. I also enjoy the mixture of Japanese and western fashion, and how everything beside the shirt and accessories is black. My favorite detail are the glasses, they look quite secretary-like, which feels like such a cool contrast, especially with the spiky hair. Also, they look quite reddish, which is a very nice echo of the slashing in the shirt. 
Right: On the left person, I like that it's basically balloon shape with balloon shape. Contrasting the sleek white of the jacket with this grey in this texture feels so refreshing. I also like how the shorts have these black patches in illogical places, that is so weird and fun. 

 

Left: I like the blue tie-dyed shirt and how the rest of the outfit is just black and white. The white being only in the shoes looks so interesting to me. It's so minimal overall which feels streamlined.
Right: On the left person, I like the pants. I also like how they were paired with very minimal white that echoes the white cranes, the white details echoed in the white soles of the shoes, and how it was made edgy by the stud bracelet and spiky hair. Doing edgy in such a minimal way feels very fresh to me. 

 

Left: The magic of this look is all in the details. First of all, the backwards tie - what a genius punk idea! The white patch on one jean leg gives some extra edge, not to speak of the studded belt with the added chain. I like how the socks are just sort of scrunced and the jeans folded up asymmetrically. 

Right: On the left person, I really like the knitted jacket, and how it's red details echo the hoodie and shoes. Wearing a sporty hoodie under that knit jacket feels very unexpected.

On the right person, I like the color combination. Doing that sunflower yellow with black AND dark brown with the black and dark brown just next to each other looks so cool! I also like the application-thingies on the jacket and the multiple textures in the pants, which give more interest.

What a fun look! It looks pretty classic punk, with the jacket having a military-esque cut, plaid in the shorts, skull motif on the scarf, studs in belts and bracelets, buttons on the jacket, and suit-ish shoes being a slightly unusual pick, but they seem to echo creepers that were worn by teddy boys in the 1950s. I especially like how the buttons are just all piled on under the breast pocket, and I like how the scarf is tied so that the motif is visible while not taking attention away from the buttons. 

 

Left: Everything about this outfit is so fun! First of all, the very tame-seeming bow on the shirt, yet that label(?) makes it feel a bit more rough. The shirt itself is very traditional, which makes for such an incredible contrast with the rest of the pieces. I really like the white paint on the knees of the jeans, so edgy and DIY. I especially like how the white sort of echoes the shirt. Finally, the hat is incredibly surprising, being the only colorful piece, and stylistically quite unexpected with the widely known base of jeans and a button-down. The combination of the hot pink with the blue-ish plaid works so well and I would have never thought to put these together.
Right: I like how the ruffles of the shirt collar poke out under the sweater vest.

 

Left: The textures!!! That what to me looks like crushed velvet texture with the fuzzy plaid scarf, mixed with a knitted sweater where we only see the cuffs, the rough jeans with the visible hem, and then leather on the shoes, plus of course the comfy hat. I like how the red comes through in the scarf and socks, the brown in the jacket and shoes, and the blue in the hat, somewhat the sweater cuffs, and the denim. The shape of the hat feels very unexpected yet so so right for this look. 
Right: The striped scarf with the differently striped jacket feels very fun.

 

Left: On the left person, I really like how the hat color is sort of matched to the coat color, and is not black. The strings on the hat just hanging down feels like such a cool detail. I also like how in the outfit, the black of the shoes is only echoed in the flowers of the skirt.
Right: The colors! The textures! The layering! I like how everything non-white is in the same color family. Having a pattern only in the sleeves feels so unusual yet fun. Having the huge white collar is just a fun sculptural detail, and it being mirrored in the white shoes just balances the look very well. The velvet of the shirt and the suit fabric of the pants are just a great contrast, this would look cool even without the collar or sleeves. Lastly, I really like all the gold jewelry, it feels pretty unexpected, especially the face jewelry. 

 

Left: I find it just so fun how the top half of the outfit looks just entirely conservative school uniform-esque (aside from the hair), and then the bottom is just fully alternative. 
What I like best is how the destroyed denim contrasts so wonderfully with the top half of the outfit.
Right: I really enjoy both of their striped scarves with the suit-ish jackets. The texture of the scarves looks so cozy and reminds me of the mohair sweaters that were popular in vintage punk fashion, giving a nice contrast. The red of the scarf being (almost) the sole pop of color in the otherwise neutral looks is incredible. 

My Favorite Painting

The Gorgon (Gorgenhaupt), Wilhelm Trübner, 1891. 

I have a print of it in my gallery wall. This painting keeps fascinating me. It is beautiful, it is grotesque in its beauty, it feels a bit obscene to look at sometimes. It feels surreal even though the style is quite realistic. It feels powerful. To me, it has the message of embracing the dark side, the messy, the grotesque. Owning it, being oneself even if one is not like the others. Harnessing that power.

Gorgons feel powerful in their meaning. Medusa is the most prominent of the gorgons, and many don't know she's a gorgon at all. I didn't know before I came across this painting. She is not the only gorgon in mythology however, her two sisters Stheno and Euryale are too. Gorgons are female monsters that instill dread, have terrifying eyes and whose blood is said to have power to both heal and harm. They used to be depicted as ugly but over time got depicted as beautiful young women more often. (Source: Wikipedia)

According to Wikipedia, gorgon comes from old Greek gorgós  (γοργός) meaning "grim, fierce, awesome, dazzling" when spoken about the look. Others suggest the term gorgons comes from referring to the throat (gorge), or from an onomatopoeia with "grrrr" sounds.